How Creating Art Saved My Life

Photo by me or my mom, I don't remember

There's no denying that the arts are important to the development of a child in school, even as some districts are cutting funding to programs. I'm a born artist though, having dabbled in a variety of mediums including computer graphics on retro Apple software known as AppleWorks, singing in a choir and solo, acting and directing in student-run plays, and writing anything from fiction to songs and plays since I had the capacity to think. I totally understand that this isn't true of every single child, obviously. Some may be more gifted in math or science or the like. But nonetheless, as you can read in my post about whether the arts are still important in schools, we still need art. It not only shares the truth of the world, but creativity is needed in all sectors of society in order for it to still function. I personally don't know where I would be if I didn't allow myself to still be creative. Maybe I'd be an emotionless robot. Or maybe not still alive. So here's how using art saved my life.

The Struggle Before Art

I've rebelled many times on my academic journey, from my fist grip in kindergarten down to taking both Art and Drama from the tenth grade onwards despite someone telling me I'd be throwing away my future if I did so😂. And started a trend for other like-minded students who were initially denied the choice but did the same thing later on. This led me to college at a school where you design your own degrees, even though I ended up graduating from somewhere else. During the start of the pandemic, no less. With a theatre degree.

I spent the better part of nearly two years after graduating applying to full-time position after full-time position in the midst of hiring freezes and an at the time deadly virus hanging over all of our heads. And when I wasn't questioning my entire existence, I was posting covers of acoustic musical theatre songs* online and writing plays of course which were some of the few things that kept me sane other than my cat (RIP) and my friends.

(*You'll have to scroll way down to 2021 and earlier to see my covers. You're welcome.)

I'm no stranger to anxiety and depression. In fact, I've been medicated since a hospital stint during my freshman year of college. So the way the isolation affected everyone's mental state was something I already deal with. It just wasn't clear how much worse the pandemic made my mental health until I finally got hired for something, even if it was a boring office job in a high-pressure environment I could get in trouble for the most innocuous of things. And I had to commute a total of three hours out of my day. In the middle of a pandemic. It would be dark when I left my house and it would be dark again when I waited for the train home. But I really thought I'd made it. By society's standards anyway. Even if that meant I would only feel the sun on my face between April and October. And I would only have the energy to do all my creative projects on Saturday. And see my friends? Well, who the heck knew?

When I didn't want to continue having panic attacks in my car outside of Wonderland station every morning, I left the office job for the first of my now many theatre gigs. And got a one-man musical produced. I want to say I went back into making art easily. But after I got my first apartment post-college, I didn't really write or post for almost two years except for another commission for a two-man musical. I don't really know why. Probably because I was chasing money so that I wouldn't have to use my savings to pay my rent. And listening to a therapist who somehow still has a license (seriously, take it from me: don't use BetterHelp). And chasing men probably as well. After a short stint in the medical field and another psych ward hospitalization (after many close calls to the edge), I moved back home.

Matthew Ball via Unsplash

The Healing Process

Another patient in the psych ward, upon learning I was a published playwright, encouraged me to continue writing. Especially about my experiences on the ward. So when I got discharged back into the care of my parents (to my chagrin as an adult) and prescribed to another three weeks of outpatient group therapy, I had all this free time that couldn't be spent working but only healing my brain.

There's a reason why we use art as a therapeutic tool in mental health programs, be it drawing, writing, playing music, whatever. Because when you create something as a way to express your emotions, it makes them physical. I (and some of my classmates) probably should have enrolled in art therapy when I was a child, that way we could have made sense of all of my gothic drawings that could have been great illustrations for Edgar Allen Poe. At least I don't draw pictures of fire or blood anymore, so there is that.

I started writing again (apart from journaling) when I was out of the program. My first project was a screenplay, something I'd never done before, and adapted in four days from bits and pieces of what was initially supposed to be a novel. And I submitted it to a film festival, even though it definitely needs a few rewrites. And I went back to a musical theatre project I had in the works during the pandemic. And found more theatre gigs. Now that my schedule is a patchwork of well-paying freelance work and my own projects, I haven't had a desire for a full-time job.

Rachel Gorjestani via Unsplash

The fellow patient was right in me needing to write about my experiences. But not just in the hospital. While that was traumatic in and of itself, the problem was that I had thrown myself into college and other societal factors to prove I was successful before I really gave myself the chance to work through all the craziness (xenophobic riots, femicide, etc.) I lived through as a third-culture kid in South Africa. Of course keeping on moving forward is correct. But it's hard to move on and create new things when you haven't worked through stuff like trauma. So I write down my stories, both whether entertaining or tragic, from that time as well. (I really wish we could eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health in South Africa like we're trying to in America instead of looking at stuff like depression as weakness.)

Turning Passion into Purpose

I will admit that I fell into the "starving artist" mentality for too long. And the truth is, while I can multiply huge numbers in my head and reach a diagnosis on medical dramas faster than the doctors there, I don't see myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. Even in a city with astronomical housing prices. Which explains why we're so obsessed with money. So other full-blooded creatives like me, who literally can't picture themselves doing anything else, and yet get pigeonholed into doing something they feel meh about for the sake of money, get caught in some kind of cognitive dissonance. We were born to do this but feel like we can't.

I'm not going to make as much as a surgeon, for a little while at least. But I've had plays produced. Got my first professional one while still in college. And my ten-minute play Ballad for Madeline was a selection finalist for one of the Boston Theatre Marathons. And I'm working on an opera commission right now, among other not-yet-publicised things. My mental health has never been this good since I was a child.

I don't want the next generation of heavily right-brained kids to go through what I have gone through. Exhibit A that making a career creating what you love is definitely possible. And in the age of social media, it's easier for someone to find you an appreciate your uniqueness now. I'm busy building a business from all of my skills right now, and monetizing my passion project The Unique Voices Club. Any emerging artist, underground performance venue, theatre company and writer can work with me to write or create for them. Or learn the skills to secure money for their creativity. The possibilities are endless.

So don't let societal expectations keep you from living the life you want to lead for yourself. It may be a while before you can afford longer-lasting things like a house. But doing life on your own terms rather than like someone else's is its own reward. Not just for yourself. But the people who get to watch you live it. You get to inspire people.

If I've inspired you, here's some ways you can join the revolution of unconventional artists. You can subscribe to this blog to get tips and inspirations (and The Unique Voices Club) directly to your inbox. And if you subscribe to my Patreon, you can actually suggest artists to me to write about in the future. And I'll shout you out! Or if you are in need of my services, contact me too!

Stay educated,

Alexia